Loving without Saying
by Kyouhaku
Summary: He doesn't love her. And that's just the plain truth. InuKag


AN: Just because…

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha

**Loving without Saying**

There isn't anything special about her. I don't know why everyone is under the impression that I've fallen head-over-heels, flat on my ass in love with her. And how could I? She's annoying, loud, and a ticking time bomb; she's lazy, manipulative, and always sides with the wrong people (_Kouga_).

She isn't pretty, she isn't sweet, I'm not _in love_.

--

"_Don't make me say it! Don't! I swear I will, Inuyasha, if you keep acting like a brat." _

_Inuyasha lifts open one eye from his post on the tree branch. He sees a young girl, her anger nearly rolling off in waves. He knows she'll say it – she never bluffs. But somehow, the angrier she gets, the better he feels._

"_Go ahead and say it, bitch." _

_Her nostrils flare._

"_SIT!" _

_He lets her say it as many times as she wants._

_Because he knows that one day, he'll deserve it for the rest of his life._

--

I always wonder if we were meant to see each other. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe in this "fate" shit, but it's weird. She's Kikyou, but she isn't. It's almost an insult anyways _(or maybe it isn't)_. There are times when I think that she's the second chance. I screwed up the first time, but what about now?

(_I already did._)

It doesn't matter though – in the end, she'll go back to her own world where she can drown in those "tests" and go out with her friends, and meet that stupid Hojou and build a house with him and have twenty children and god I just hatehatehate him.

Not that any of this _matters_.

She's annoying, stupid, and not worth keeping around.

--

_Inuyasha sniffs the air and catches a scent that "burns his nose."_

_She shoots him a quizzical look, then a knowing look, and then a threatening look. She knows._

"_It's that damn Hojou again, huh?"_

_She purses her lips, sets down her deteriorating yellow bag, and plasters one of the fakest smiles he's ever seen on her face._

"_We just went out to eat. It wasn't anything special."_

"_Keh. So that's why his scent is all over you, huh?" His tone is harsh, annoyed, hurt, and childish._

"_I really think this conversation should stop, Inuyasha." Her tone is warning, angered, melancholy, and feeble._

_And this is just one of the many fights that lead to awkward make-ups without the kissing, crying, and laughing._

--

I know one day she's going to just slip out of my fingers, out of my life, out of my time. She'll come and go, and one day she'll go. My chest sputters, spits, freezes, restarts. (_maybe it's my heart, damn ramen_)

There have been times where all I want to do is push her down the well, watch her disappear, and say _Look at what you've _missed. And then I'll seal the well and let my demons eat themselves up. She will become a thing of the past (or maybe the future…these things are confusing and never important anyways) and one day, I'll wake up, and the world will be the same.

She'd have a pretty big head if she thought the world would freeze for her.

(_It already does._)

--

_The pale, pink jewel sits in the palm of her hand, glowing ever so softly. It is touched by her heart and soul, the evil long ago seeped out of it. Her hand is holding the object of his desire, the one thing he's been dying to claim, and somehow, it's very unsatisfying._

_He liked it better when it hung around her neck in fragments. _

"_Well…" a tight smile, a grimace, a tear. "It's what you've been waiting for, Inuyasha. Your wish."_

_And it's then that he realizes he's the most selfish being alive._

"_Take it."_

_Her eyes widen with surprise. "Why? It's yours! You've been waiting for this moment for so long and –"_

"_And I think you should keep it."_

_(And maybe she'll come back when time decides it's ready.)_

--

It's as subtle as the leaves changing colors or the seasons changing from spring to summer to fall to winter. But I know. There are just some things you can feel. She's been long gone from my time, the past. The monk and demon exterminator had their kids, watched them grow, and eventually left themselves. The little kitsune-brat grew up too; he comes and he goes, more often he goes. No one wants to see a bitter old hanyou.

Me, on the other hand?

I sit by the Goshinboku tree and think back to happier times when I was still sealed.

I regret ever opening my eyes, ever seeing her face.

I hate her, everything about her.

She's ugly (_beautiful_), annoying (_addicting_), just plain crazy (_I love every minute of it)_

I love her, I love her, _I fucking _love_ her_.

And she'll never know.

Because I feared one day, I would lose her, and it wouldn't be love and she'd hate me, hate me, hate me.

_(But that's how irony works.)_

* * *

AN: Well, it was different. An experiment of sorts. If it doesn't make sense, I wouldn't blame you.


End file.
